


Safety & Home

by hedaleda



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-06-02
Packaged: 2018-04-02 13:59:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4062595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hedaleda/pseuds/hedaleda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ficlet Oneshot. Moments around/during the events of 3x07 between Cosima and Shay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Safety & Home

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers from 3x07 within this fic. Mentions of blood & talk about death (no character death).

 

 

_ The water surrounding your ankles is getting clouded by bright red blooms of blood, and you almost choke out a laugh.  _

The windows are casting in bright light and this bed is soft, warm, and most importantly safe. She's kissing poetry down your spine and across your hips. It's been three days and she's worshiped your body every single one of them. You don't tell her that there are multiple bodies like yours, near perfect replicas whose lungs and other organs are still healthy while yours is barely held together. You don't tell her because her eyes are so  _alive_   and she's grinning up at you with her blonde hair splayed across your stomach. You thread your fingers through it and pull her up for a kiss - she isn't afraid that there might be blood on the back of your lips when she swipes her tongue there. 

You glance at the clock and it's almost 8'o'clock which means you're already late to work but the lab is cold and reminds you that you aren't any closer to decoding Duncan's cipher. Scott's once teasing eyes are always full of worry and pity. Plus  _she_ is there now, leaving a different sort of ache between your ribs. The lab is a reminder of all your failings and it's not safe. You don't want to die but the only place that can save you has also burned you too many times. Your choices may not be good but they are yours. 

"Where are you?" Shay's voice is soft at your neck. 

 "Here. I'm here with you." you whisper into her hair. You breathe her in, she smells like lavender and incense. Not expensive perfume and French cigarettes, you shake away the thought. You aren't sure if the distinctions comfort you or not but before you can decide she is dancing fingers across your ribcage, laughter fills the walls of her apartment and you almost don't feel like you are dying. 

Outside it's starting to snow (it's always snowing) but here in this bed her lips are hot and her smile is summer. 

These walls are sanctuary from truth. 

_ Shay s wrapping a towel around you and you're both too calm but not calm at all. There's blood running down your legs.  _

After the door closes behind  _her_ and you make your calls you join Shay in the shower. Every bit of you aches - some of it's from all the sex but mostly your muscles haven't stopped hurting for weeks. She greets you with a smile and doesn't ask questions which you're grateful for because you have too many answers you don't want to give. She starts running a soapy cloth along your collarbone. 

"Do you believe in an afterlife?" Your voice is hoarse and you aren't sure why you're doing this now. She furrows her brow and you want to wipe the line away with your thumb. All your sisters have been giving you that look lately and you can't bear it if she does. It's quickly gone though and she's back to washing you but hasn't answered your question yet. 

"I think....we're energy. So when we die we our energy just connects back to the Universe. Everything and everyone." she tilts her head at you with half of a smile and you nod. You aren't sure if you agree. She's more spiritual than you and her answer isn't one you haven't heard before. It's not totally beyond the realm of science though so maybe it's something you could believe. It doesn't explain what you saw  that day but bringing that up would be, like, totally opening a can of worms. So you kiss her instead. 

She smiles against your lips and you ignore the pain in your lower abdomen. 

"I need to borrow your Bug again." 

She's laughing now, carefree and blue eyes shining before she kisses you again. "Okay. That just means you have to come back to me tonight." 

Really you shouldn't. You've been here for days, only going to Felix's to pick up clean clothes but it's so empty there without Sarah. Every bit of his flat has memories you don't want. 

"Yeah, yeah of course." If she senses that your smile is partially forced she doesn't show it. 

You cough and her hands are still firm on your skin. Here in this room you might still be the girl you were six months ago with strong lungs and hands that don't shake. Here in this room under the hot spray of water you are alive and her mouth is nipping at your neck. 

_ You can't meet her eyes now that the bubble has popped .  She's helping you clean up (you'd insisted you didn't need help but she's as stubborn as she is patient)- shame is burning through your chest. She's wiping the blood off your legs and thighs. When she looks up you close your eyes. Hands are gripping your face and she's kissing you something soft and questioning.  _

There are multiple texts from Scott asking where you are but you turn your phone off without answering him. You're  _tired  _and the ache you've felt all day has only gotten worse. Shay opens her door before you can knock and the warmth from her apartment and her smile instantly help erase the events of the day. 

"I have wine and a hot bath started for you." she tells you as you shrug off your jacket. You moan at the word "bath". 

Shay laughs. "Thought you might like that. It's freezing out and you, my dear, have had that cough for days." 

Your heart stops for a moment. You nod and kick off your boots while she tends to the bath. She needs to know, not telling her is cruel and while she's been safety and escape for the past week you know how it feels to have secrets kept from you. After you have some wine, you think, and that bath. 

The water sinks into your muscles and you take a struggled deep breath. You look down at your body. It's yours . Despite everything else that's crumbling around you the one thing you need to hold onto is that you are your own. 

Shay's voice breaks through your thoughts. "So I have a feeling....you are going to tell me something."


End file.
